the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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