I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
