I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
