i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
