I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
