did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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