I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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