if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
