Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
