Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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