I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
