I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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