i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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