this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What a dumb baby whore.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
