I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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