we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
