Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
