I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
