Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
