you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
