Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
