Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
