it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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