You just made me feel so damn special
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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