I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
