i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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