Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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