I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
