I think i peed on brittanys purse
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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