Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
