I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize