I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
