oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
