tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
