I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
