im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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