That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
