i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
