So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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