So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
