We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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