I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
