Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
