So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
