And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
