so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize