I cockslap morals
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
