there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize