Yo dont text me then not text me
I am spending my child support on dildos
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
