bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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