His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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