what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
