you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
