I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
