she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
not ubering you a puppy
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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