just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
