I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
