I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
