Im at strip club and am horny
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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