I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
