If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
