are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
