if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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