I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
