you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
