am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
