thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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