i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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