and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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