At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
