A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
