that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
