see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
