we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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