Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
