her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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