Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize