Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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