I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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