You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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