sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
