I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
