is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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