We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
