it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
