We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
