My first STD was from a foam party
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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