I smell stomach acid.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
