there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
