You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
