my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
