guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
