he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
