these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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