Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
