i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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