Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
