i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
