he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
