If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
