You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
