I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
