I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
