dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
