you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
