I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize