fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
