Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
