wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and she was petting her beer can
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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