My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
