Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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