She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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