covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
