At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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