I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
