He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
