Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
