good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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