Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize